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The 8 Types of Recruits You'd Get If You Actually Were To Get Any Recruits Ever

Magnifico

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Some of you who have not been playing long might never have experienced what it was like to be in a large, active alliance that actually got recruits. The rest of you are probably in the grip of nostalgia and don’t remember what it was really like. So let me tell/remind you that even back in the day when recruits weren’t all shunted to alliances with, like, three other people, none of whom have logged in for weeks, it was still no bed of roses. The recruits you got mostly fell into one of these 8 types:

#1 - The Horse

“You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink” - Proverb

How to Spot
Never donates, requests, or says anything in chat

The Horse doesn’t care about alliance stuff, but finally gave in and joined one to get the quest-giving guy to shut up about it already. That’s as far as he is willing to go, though.

Pros: Nobody will object if you kick him
Cons: Don’t even think of including him on your war roster
Takes up a spot that could be held by an ally who, y’know, does stuff

#2 - The Leech

How to Spot
Requests many troops but does not reciprocate with donations

There’s nothing stopping the Leech from donating, it’s just thats she doesn’t see why she should if people give her troops anyway.

Pros: Gives other allies plenty of opportunities to donate
Cons: Pretty obvious, really

#3 - The Sloth

"They are named after the capital sin of sloth because they seem slow and lazy at first glance; however, their usual idleness is due to metabolic adaptations for conserving energy” - Wikipedia

How to Spot
Has advanced Farms and Caravans but underdeveloped Blacksmith/Armory and Barracks
Barracks may be empty of troops
Logs in frequently and has more than 400 medals but is still not in a league a week into the season

The Sloth is not interested at all in fighting and would probably be happier playing a game like SimCity BuildIt. All the Sloth wants to do is harvest food from Farms so he can use it to upgrade his Caravans to generate gold so he can upgrade his Farms, etc. When these are maxed out, it’s time to advance an age. As far as the Sloth is concerned building troops, let alone upgrading them, is a waste of food that could have been spent upgrading Caravans.

Pros: Might eventually max out Farms, Caravans, and Oil Wells and have no choice but to spend resources on something worthwhile
Cons: Will donate only grudgingly; donated troops will likely be low tech
Will take for-freaking-ever to advance

#4 - The Perfectionist
(Sorry, can’t think of a good animal equivalent for this one. I’m open to suggestions.)

How to Spot
Apparently maxed out on her current age but makes no move to advance to the next age

The Perfectionist may well be a good player and looks like a solid ally at first. It’s only when she seems to be close to maxing out on her current age that her true nature manifests itself. The Perfectionist is not bothered by having workers sitting around with nothing to do. She simply will not advance until absolutely every conceivable thing is maxed out: all possible forests cleared, all generals leveled up as much as possible, etc. You will watch with increasing impatience as your Gunpowder Age Perfectionist ally painstakingly upgrades all her walls to level 8, anticipating that when she’s done she will finally advance to EA, then gasp in horror when you see that first level 9 wall segment appear.

Heaven help you if you get a Perfectionist who is also a Sloth.

Pros: Probably a fine ally if you don’t care about getting advanced troops
Cons: Will never, ever advance past Gunpowder Age

#5 - The Cheetah

“A high-speed chase exhausts a cheetah, which will rest for 30 minutes or so before it can sprint again or eat its kill. Even when they have recovered, cheetahs are often driven away from their kill by lions or packs of hyenas.” - Cats, by Howard Loxton

How to Spot
Odd, uneven base development with many buildings lagging several ages behind the base’s age
Resource storage often unprotected

The Cheetah is the opposite of the Perfectionist. He sprints to advance to the next age as soon as he possibly can, usually by spending crowns. Cheetahs rarely care about offense, because they just spend crowns to upgrade buildings and so don’t need to raid for resources. And they don’t care about defending their resource storage, because crowns can’t be stolen in raids. They do often like to upgrade Farms and Caravans for some reason, perhaps because it’s a fast way to get enough XP to advance to the next age.

At some point, most Cheetahs run out of crowns. Pity the poor, exhausted Cheetah, with an offense too low-tech to do much against the high-age bases he has to raid now, and defenses too underdeveloped to protect what resources he does manage to get the hard way. And let's not forget the higher cap on resources that can be looted by attackers thanks to being in an advanced age! With little experience on how to play the game without spending crowns, many exhausted Cheetahs go to the other extreme of speed and become Sloths.

Some Cheetahs have apparently inexhaustible crowns. Perhaps their parents endowed them with large trust funds, or perhaps they are high-rolling Wall Street traders. Or perhaps they are something that sounds a lot like “cheetahs”. (Customer Service is “investigating”.) It’s not clear what motivates these players, since having unlimited crowns means they don’t need to care about offense, defense, OR their economy. I guess they just get tired of looking at one set of images after a while and spend some crowns so they can look at different ones.

Pros: Highly advanced, at least in theory
Cons: Very likely also a Dodo (see below)

#6 - The Chicken Hawk

How to Spot
Repeatedly demands to be included in the next world war if one is active when she joins, or loudly calls for a world war if one isn’t, but when actually included in a war, doesn’t use either of her attacks or even quits the alliance entirely

Pros: Uh, give me a minute, I’m sure I can think of something
Cons: The game does not include any mechanism for remotely punching other players in the face

#7 - The Dodo

“'Dodo' is also a slang term for a stupid, dull-witted person, as it was supposedly stupid and easily caught.” - Wikipedia

How to Spot
Some or all of the following:
The ever-popular one-wall-around-everything base
Extensive road network not connected to town center
Wonders like the Acropolis that affect certain buildings in a radius placed off in one corner of the base, not anywhere close to any of those buildings
Requests hundreds of troops but never seems to acquire enough resources to build anything
Upgrades every defensive structure in his base before finally, just before getting ready to advance to a new age, getting around to upgrading his first Garrison or Stable
“My [all-foot solider] army keeps getting wiped out by mortars.”
“A howitzer came out of the Town Center of the war base I was attacking and wiped out my whole army, AGAIN.”
“People keep taking all the resources from my [unprotected] resource storage and leaving my [well-defended] Town Center alone so that I don’t get a Peace Treaty.”

This one is sort of a catch-all category for players who, for one reason or another, are just plain bad at Dominations. This game is not great as far as documentation goes, but the Dodo either doesn’t pay attention to the hints and tips on the loading screens, or has no idea how to apply them. Some Dodos seem to be oblivious to their lack of skill, but others will plaintively ask for advice on how to improve their base layout, etc. Advice given, no matter how good or how detailed, rarely has any effect.

“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results” - Anonymous

Pros: Makes other allies look good by comparison
Cons: Pretty much everything, really

#8 - The Unicorn

How to Spot
Advanced age, bleeding-edge offense, online frequently, donates generously

The Unicorn is the recruit you dream of getting. Unfortunately, like her namesake, she is probably mythical.

Pros: Makes life worth living
Cons: Will probably leave for a better alliance after a day or two at most

——

Note: I originally started thinking about this post before the 3.7 update choked off recruitment for my alliance. I shelved it after I couldn’t figure out how to do strikethrough on this forum. But I couldn’t stop thinking about it, so I decided maybe some good old sour grapes would console us while we wait, and wait, for a fix.
 
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Brand Marrow

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LOLOL, perfect Magnifico !!! if you dont get recruits with this post, all hope is lost.... What's your alliance name again?

but don't forget ''the clown''... constantly making off-color remarks on game chat, occasionally offending other players, sometimes producing bad smells.....(from his/her cooking....)
but the clown can be a unicorn in disguise! A clownicorn! Or a uniclown! Or they might be a Dodo - clown dodo's are best referred to as ''Morons'' lastly they could be a Cheetah, in which case they should be referred to as ''Cheetohs''.....
 

Magnifico

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Oh, right, recruitment. Heh. Guess I should add in a forum signature, eh?
 

Ravenlord

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but don't forget ''the clown''... constantly making off-color remarks on game chat, occasionally offending other players, sometimes producing bad smells.....(from his/her cooking....)
Hmmm, self-fulfilling prophecy brandie ??! Or self perpetuating?? :cool:
 

Empire

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Couldn't agree more with the types of recruits! :D

Of course there are the Hyenas (Who are here to just cause trouble and discord), Kangaroos (Ones who join your alliance, keep talking about their old alliance, and then as soon as they get bored...you guessed it - they move on to the next unsuspecting alliance), Rabbits (Who join in Iron Age and are super active. Before you know it, they are in GP age), and finally Owls (they are omnipresent. They are always online, always talking, always requesting troops. Never log off, not even on vacations.)
 

_Flash_

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Adding a few more I could think of, more from the perspective of behavior in the alliance... (will keep editing this post, as I identify more types)

They are all unicorns, and, they take these more earthly forms (as opposed to their mythical form of unicorn), when you do manage to recruit and retain them in the alliance :)

Wolves - Excellent team players, who are ready to attack higher level bases or clean up lower level ones, as the situation calls for in wars. They hunt as a pack, and help bring down prey (opposing alliance), and share the spoils (war loot) with the team.
Lions and lionesses - Natural leadership material, who hunt and help provide for the cubs, help maintain order in the alliance, and step up to chase away hyenas, if they spot one. They are ready to take on additional responsibilities (such as, scouting on planning day, strategy for the war, and help co-ordinate the attacks, as they unfold on war day), and they deliver on those responsibilities.
Wise owl - They have answers for questions from allies - be it prioritizing upgrades, wonders to choose, nations to switch, troop compositions to change, base design, or anything related to the game, they have answers to help out allies. They keep themselves updated on the news, announcements, and what's coming up in the game.
Squirrels - Hyperactive and curious, and they don't shy away from asking questions, when in doubt. Always cheerful, chirpy, and enjoy playing the game, and don't mind popping a question for a discussion. Overall, lifts the mood in the alliance, and keeps it upbeat and cheerful. They are quick learners, and implement what they learn from the group (and from the wise owls).

Empire's definition of rabbits and night owls are also other earthly forms of unicorns.
 
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Veldan

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Lol epic writeup

I like to think I'm a good player, but I'm afraid I'm edging a bit towards #4 xD
I'll keep in mind not to build any lvl 9 walls in Gunpowder Age :D
 

TheOneLeggedOne

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Couldn't have put it better myself, highly accurate...
I call some Spongebob's, & Wosp's (waste of space) not to offend directly, but my team know what I mean, and they usually leave, before being Kicked...
Loved the post, best I've seen in ages... Well done.
 

Guinevere

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Definitely recognisable! I was thinking those unicorn typs were mythical, but those are the good core players. Well spotted!
 

Ravenlord

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What about the lone wolf or lone bull elephant? The kinda person that, primarily, keeps to himself but will, occassionally, join up with the group for the occassional chat or donation, is happy to spend some time with the others, maybe enjoy some female company - but when it comes to changing diapers or taking the young ones to the watering hole he's off again on his own or to hang out with the other bulls!!

I'm not referring to anyone in particular, this thought just came to me a little while ago ..... 😞
 

Sheldore

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Yes, I would be a number 4. Though I do plan on advancing to the next age.
 

Ravenlord

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Maybe we should start an alliance of our own: Karmic Klowns ..... ??!
 
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